Advice Questions about Feeling Down:

• For the past couple of weeks, I've been bruising myself. I'm so sad, and it feels like it helps. I keep trying to stop, but whenever I get really depressed it starts all over again. I don't want to tell anyone, because they'd treat me different, and they'd want me to go on anti-depression drugs, and want me to go see a shrink, and I don't want to go within 100 feet of either of them. What do I do?

• My dog passed away a week ago. She got hit by a car and she was only 1 year old. I'm devastated because she was mostly mine. I cried for 2 days straight. Then I cry here and there randomly and it REALLY hurts. I feel so alone and I don't know who to talk to. I talked to the school counselor but now I feel ten times worse. I'm so alone. It feels so weird without her and without a pet. PLEASE help me!

• My mom is making me switch schools. The school I’m at now isn't very nice but the one my mom is making me go to is a lot nicer. I want to go there but I will miss my friends. I want to graduate with my friends and classmates that have been there with me for 6 years. Is there anything I can do? Please help me. I am really sad.

• I always have nothing to do at my house. It's either going online talking with my friends or just watching TV. Are there any fun activities that I can do IN my house?

• My older brother has left for Iraq and my older sister, who Im really close to, has left for Texas. I feel so sad because I have no one to look up to. When Ive had problems I would tell them and they would give me great advice. But now that theyre not here I feel sad and cry a lot because I cant handle all the stress everybody is putting on me. I dont know what to doIm so confused and so hurt inside!

• I feel like I am really ugly. My older sister always gets all the guys. And nobody likes me. I hate going into the bathroom because there is a mirror in there, and every time I look at the mirror I feel even worse. Every time I look at it, I start to cry a bit, but I have learned how to push tears back now. I dont want to tell anyone, though. I just want to feel better about myself.

• I'm really depressed! I just moved from my home in Massachusetts to California, and I'm still getting adjusted. All my friends here don't get me, and my friends in Massachusetts understand, but it's hard to keep in contact because of the time difference. I have headaches all the time, and I'm always really depressed now. I'm not that smart, pretty, or athletic, and the guy I have a crush on in school thinks I'm 'funny.' What should I do?

• I haven't been thinking straight lately. I'm 11 years old and turning 12 soon. I'm very afraid of growing up and facing hard challenges. I don't know what to do. I'm turning into a nervous wreck. What do I do?

• I am in eighth grade and recently I am having a lot of trouble with choosing a career. It is difficult for me because I am naturally good at a vast majority of things. I also just went through a depression and I am struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Can you possibly help?

  HREF="feeling_down4.html#a" onmouseOver="imgOver('go14','on'); return true;" onmouseOut="imgOver('go14','off'); return true;">My grandma just recently died, and I didn't notice how much I missed her until she passed away. I want to do something that will make her be remembered by everybody, but I don't know what to do. Have you got any advice?

• My room is always a pig sty! What can I do to keep my room clean and have fun at the same time?

• My dad and I both want me to play guitar. I was really excited to start playing it and the first day, I was enjoying it. Then came the next day and I said, Ill practice tomorrow The next day I said the same thing, and the next day, and the next day! I get so stressed out because I know that I should practice and I want to practice, but it just doesnt happen. Im afraid to tell my dad because the first time I was playing he said, I hope this isnt something youre just gonna throw away because you got bored, you have to be committed, and I said, Okay. Im afraid he'll be disappointed with me. Its my fault too, because I spend most of my day playing games on the computer watching TV, or playing video games with my friends. I just dont know what to do because Im never ever committed to anything. Please, Im in desperate need of advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• In books and movies, I have a weird tendency to like the villain better than the hero. Is this unusual? Also, does that make ME a villain?

• Today my dog died. He's been with me my whole life and I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to get over it. He was a black Lab and never hurt a fly. He was in pain and died this morning at 5:30 a.m. He was 100 years old in people years but IML, I don't know how to get over it! Can you help me?

• It seems like anything I do is never enough. I get straight A's except one B all year, so I don't get honor roll. I get an awesome time when running track, but so did 6 other people, so I don't get recognized for it. I've worked hard all year with my friends in every honors class, but I'm still average. I work as hard as possible, and the teacher can see it so she grades harder and I still don't get a 100. I know there's always going to be someone better and my accomplishments won't matter. This may sound dumb, but it's how I feel when award ceremonies come around and I don't get anything from anything I do.

• Im a triplet, but Ive just been downsized to a twin. My sister died a month ago, and its been really hard on me and my twin brother. We try to talk a lot, but its really hard, because we feel so guilty. It should have been one of us that died because my sister was the strongest triplet. I hate myself for not being the one who died, because she died of a heart complication that I might have too. I dont want to hang with friends or even have fun at all because I feel so guilty.

• OK, I am a girl and all, but I am a total...well, I guess a tomboy. I read the same comics that every boy at school does. I have the tomboyish clothes, too. I dont try being like this, it just comes naturally. But I find myself hiding that fact, and I don't even know why! Like at school, I talk 'girlier' than my real voice, dress preppier, talk about more girly stuff, and hang out more with girls when I have many male friends! WHY?

• I am 11 and for almost a year I am scared to spend the night away from home. At first, I wouldn't even leave the house without my mom, then I got a little better. I would go with my brothers and sisters and then finally after a while, I would go places without my mom. But I am still scared to stay the night at a friend's house. I get worried that I'm gonna miss my mom or my home. A lot of times I think, 'Okay, I'm gonna stay now,' but I never do. Please help me!!! Will I ever get over it? Can you give me step-by-step tips on how I can improve it? Please help.

• Ever since we got robbed I never want to stay home alone, but now I have to do it a lot! I'm still a little scared about freaky noises! When my brothers see that, they think theres something wrong so they get scared too. Ive mostly gotten over my fear, but sometimes my brothers say to my Mom that they hate staying alone with me, and that makes me look like a bad babysitter. What do I do?

• I hate growing up! It is so difficult. Having all of these social problems, changing...ugh! I have also been having serious stress. I ache and I am tired. Maybe from schoolwork and friends, I dont know. What is the best way to deal with growing up? How can you make it easier?

• I'm so annoyed at school and at home because of my 'perfect at everything' best friend. She's the smartest kid in the grade, good at sports, can play the violin, flute and piano really well, and very creative at everything. But when she gets a 94% quiz back, she says she did a horrible job at it and that I probably got better than her when she knows I didn't. I feel like I have no friends and what makes it worse is that my little sister is sooooo popular, even though she's only in 5th grade, got asked out 8 times, is perfect, and makes fun of me. I am soooo depressed and feel like an ugly, stupid, not-good-at-anything kind of person with no friends.

• "I'm feeling really stupid these days. I've been trying really hard in school, but I'm not doing well. My parents are disappointed in me and I don't want them to think I'm dumb. My sister is really smart and that makes it even worse. I don't know what to do to feel better."

• "Lately, Ive been sad a lot...Im just having a lot of pain and sometimes, I have thoughts about hurting myself in some way."

Dear IML,
I'm really depressed! I just moved from my home in Massachusetts to California, and I'm still getting adjusted. All my friends here don't get me, and my friends in Massachusetts understand, but it's hard to keep in contact because of the time difference. I have headaches all the time, and I'm always really depressed now. I'm not that smart, pretty, or athletic, and the guy I have a crush on in school thinks I'm 'funny.' What should I do?
--Shreya, 11

Shreya,
First off let me say that being the new kid is always hard, and I admire your efforts to stay in contact with your friends from Massachusetts; it shows that you're a loyal person and that's always a good trait. I know going to a new place is a challenge, suddenly it's like you have to start all over, but you know what? Sometimes starting over is the best thing you can do, even if you had it good before. Try to look at this as a challenge to make life even better. I'm a little worried about the way you look at yourself, because it seems you don't see how great you are. Just by knowing that this guy thinks you're funny lets me know that you probably have a really strong personality, and let me tell you something...when a guy tells you you're funny, that is not a bad thing! It means he likes being around you and you make him laugh. Have you tried getting involved in some extracurricular activities at your new school? You don't have to be the prettiest or the most athletic or the smartest to be good at something...and I'm sure you don't give yourself the credit you deserve anyway! Remember that the more new things you try and the more new people you meet, the more chances you have of finding something you shine in and people who make you shine. I know that new friends can't replace old ones, but try to get to know people well enough that they can understand what you're going through, and never write yourself off as being inadequate...because confidence is a real treasure and if you believe in yourself you will find your place. Also, if you want to keep in touch with friends I suggest email! When my friend moved to France we found it impossible to talk on the phone, but our long emails honestly made me feel like I was in France with her, meeting all her friends and doing all the cool new stuff she was doing!
--Stormie, IML Mentor

Dear Shreya,
It sounds like you're going through a lot right now and you are having a really hard time adjusting to your new life in California. It's completely understandable for you to be feeling this way. I can only imagine how upset and hurt you are about having to move away from your friends and not being able to keep in contact they way you would like. However, it's really great that you do have them as a support system as you are going through this adjustment in your life no matter how far away you are. You mentioned that the friends you have here in California don't get you. Why do you think that is? Do you think that there is any way you can form a stronger relationship with them or at least one of them? Maybe if you talk to them about how you are feeling they will surprise you and actually understand what you are going through. I know it's sometimes scary to make yourself vulnerable, especially to new people in your life, but if you don't take that leap then it's really hard to form the type of relationship with them that you would like to have. Also, the same probably goes for the guy you like. Have you ever told him how you feel and asked him how he feels about you? Talking is the only way to get your feelings out in the open and actually change the way your life is going. It sounds like you're feeling self-conscious, but it's really important that you realize your self-worth and don't just judge yourself on what other people think, but how you feel about the type of person you are. It sounds like you're going through a lot and are feeling depressed. Have you ever talked to someone like a parent, teacher, or counselor about how you are feeling? Talking to someone can really make you feel better and just get everything off your chest. Good luck!
--Joy, IML Mentor

Back

Dear IML,
I haven't been thinking straight lately. I'm 11 years old and turning 12 soon. I'm very afraid of growing up and facing hard challenges. I don't know what to do. I'm turning into a nervous wreck. What do I do?
--Haylie, 11

Hi Haylie!
It's tough getting older. I remember worrying about everything when I was your age. Then I realized that I spent more time worrying than actually doing things I should have been. Having social support right now is important, so make sure you make time for friends and family. Have them over for movies and dinner, and go with your family to the zoo or a local amusement park. Facing challenges is a part of life you can't avoid; however, you can make them easier by asking advice from people you trust. Talk to your parents, your school counselor, or an older friend about what's bothering you. They all went through the same thing and can help you calm your fears about specific things.
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Hey Haylie,
In the past, I've thought exactly how you are thinking now! In fact, sometimes I STILL think like that. Everybody grows older and faces the challenges of becoming teenagers. Instead of thinking about the bad stuff, try to think about the GOOD stuff like getting more freedom, being able to ride all the rides in the amusement park, and getting your driver's license! If you really feel depressed, you should talk to an adult you trust like your mom or dad or even your grandma! They will probably know how you feel since they've been through it all themselves!
--Roxanne, IML Mentor

Dear Haylie,
Growing up is challenging for some people because it means that we have to take on more responsibility. My sister turned 16 recently. All week she was in a funk because she said she wasnt ready to grow up. She acted as though July 17 was the day shed grow up and then thered be no turning back. The truth is, growing up has little to do with your age and everything to do with your mindset and maturity, and how you handle responsibility. That is why we all grow up at different rates. Think about your current responsibilities. Do you have chores you need to do? A dog that you take care of? Or a little brother or sister youre sometimes responsible for? As you grow up, the responsibilities grow with you, but you will hopefully find that youre able to meet them, and that they make you feel strong and important. In other words, keep in mind that responsibilities are not just going to magically poof on your lap when you turn 12 years old. They will come gradually, and youll barely notice. You might even request them! Happy Birthday, Haylie!!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

These types of feelings can also be related to changes in our bodies caused by puberty! Check out IMLs Advice on Health & Body.

Back

Dear IML,
I am in eighth grade and recently I am having a lot of trouble with choosing a career. It is difficult for me because I am naturally good at a vast majority of things. I also just went through a depression and I am struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Can you possibly help?
--Joy

Hey Joy,
You know I'm really glad that you asked this question because I feel like I can really relate to your situation. I'm a sophomore in high school and I too am struggling with the question of what to do with my life and seriously stressing over college requirements and things like that. It seems so soon, but really you have lots of time to figure it out. In fact I think that high school is the greatest time to figure out what inspires you and what you're interested in because there are so many more classes to choose from. Remember that there are also college counselors to help you with career choices and college decisions. It's stressful not knowing what the future will hold for you, but that's kind of what makes life exciting, isn't it? I totally feel your pain in terms of being interested in many things. I love to act and graphic design is my favorite past time, but I'm also on the newspaper staff and I love that too. So I figure that if life is handing me all these opportunities and allowing me to have all these choices, I'm in pretty good shape if my biggest problem is choosing which one to take advantage of! It sounds like you're in the same boat. I recommend going to the College Board Web Site at www.collegeboard.com and checking out this thing they have that describes various careers and what requirements are needed to major in different fields. I'm sorry to hear that you've been distressed lately, and again I understand. Right now I'm in the middle of a really messy divorce between my mom and step-dad and it's hard to stay focused and positive. But just 'cause life throws you curve balls doesn't mean you need to strike out. Focusing on your strengths and counting your blessings will really help you through what sounds like a stressful time for you. SO calm down, don't worry and just try to enjoy 8th grade, you don't want it to pass you by!
--Stormie, IML Mentor

Hey Joy!
It's awesome that you have such a wide range of interests and things you are good at: you have a lot of things to pick from! I started my first year at college as an English and Psychology major. Now, at the end of the year, I've switched to International Studies and History. Quite a change! My point is that you have plenty of time to decide what you want to focus on. Even though I changed my majors, I am still interested in English and Psychology. Remember that whether or not you choose to make a career of things you are good at, you can still learn about them. I will always read, write, and learn about subjects I have an interest in. Since you're in 8th grade, you have at least five years before you even need to start thinking about declaring a career path. So for the next few years, just learn as much as you can -- through reading, courses, volunteering, internships, etc. -- about the things you're interested in. You'll understand a lot about yourself and what you want to do with your life. Good luck!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Joy,
I know exactly how you are feeling with the whole career thing. I too feel as if I need to know what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. However, we both have plenty of time ahead of us before we need to choose a career for ourselves and shouldn't stress over it. If you're worried over it though, you could always talk to someone like your school counselor or parents about your options. You could also ask your friends what they think you're good at and the qualities they admire in you and maybe that would lead you a little closer to an idea of what you would like to be. You might also want to try doing some community service. That way you can test out the fields you might want to work in when you are older. You could volunteer at a hospital, zoo, mental health facilities, non profit legal offices...essentially anything you wan t to do, there is something out there that fits that description. Also, your struggling through depression could be something you could use while working in community service. A lot of people that you might be working with (if you do something in the mental health field even more so) are going through the same things you are more or less. Just keep telling yourself that you are a strong person who will do something great in your life. When you really want something, the only person that can stop you from achieving that goal is you. Everyone goes through difficulties in there life and obstacles will always be in front of you, but it is how you come out of them that determines the type of person you are. I hope all works out for the best!
--Joy, IML Mentor

Back

E-mail this page to a friend