Advice Questions about Feeling Down:

• For the past couple of weeks, I've been bruising myself. I'm so sad, and it feels like it helps. I keep trying to stop, but whenever I get really depressed it starts all over again. I don't want to tell anyone, because they'd treat me different, and they'd want me to go on anti-depression drugs, and want me to go see a shrink, and I don't want to go within 100 feet of either of them. What do I do?

• My dog passed away a week ago. She got hit by a car and she was only 1 year old. I'm devastated because she was mostly mine. I cried for 2 days straight. Then I cry here and there randomly and it REALLY hurts. I feel so alone and I don't know who to talk to. I talked to the school counselor but now I feel ten times worse. I'm so alone. It feels so weird without her and without a pet. PLEASE help me!

• My mom is making me switch schools. The school I’m at now isn't very nice but the one my mom is making me go to is a lot nicer. I want to go there but I will miss my friends. I want to graduate with my friends and classmates that have been there with me for 6 years. Is there anything I can do? Please help me. I am really sad.

• I always have nothing to do at my house. It's either going online talking with my friends or just watching TV. Are there any fun activities that I can do IN my house?

• My older brother has left for Iraq and my older sister, who Im really close to, has left for Texas. I feel so sad because I have no one to look up to. When Ive had problems I would tell them and they would give me great advice. But now that theyre not here I feel sad and cry a lot because I cant handle all the stress everybody is putting on me. I dont know what to doIm so confused and so hurt inside!

• I feel like I am really ugly. My older sister always gets all the guys. And nobody likes me. I hate going into the bathroom because there is a mirror in there, and every time I look at the mirror I feel even worse. Every time I look at it, I start to cry a bit, but I have learned how to push tears back now. I dont want to tell anyone, though. I just want to feel better about myself.

• I'm really depressed! I just moved from my home in Massachusetts to California, and I'm still getting adjusted. All my friends here don't get me, and my friends in Massachusetts understand, but it's hard to keep in contact because of the time difference. I have headaches all the time, and I'm always really depressed now. I'm not that smart, pretty, or athletic, and the guy I have a crush on in school thinks I'm 'funny.' What should I do?

• I haven't been thinking straight lately. I'm 11 years old and turning 12 soon. I'm very afraid of growing up and facing hard challenges. I don't know what to do. I'm turning into a nervous wreck. What do I do?

• I am in eighth grade and recently I am having a lot of trouble with choosing a career. It is difficult for me because I am naturally good at a vast majority of things. I also just went through a depression and I am struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Can you possibly help?

  HREF="feeling_down4.html#a" onmouseOver="imgOver('go14','on'); return true;" onmouseOut="imgOver('go14','off'); return true;">My grandma just recently died, and I didn't notice how much I missed her until she passed away. I want to do something that will make her be remembered by everybody, but I don't know what to do. Have you got any advice?

• My room is always a pig sty! What can I do to keep my room clean and have fun at the same time?

• My dad and I both want me to play guitar. I was really excited to start playing it and the first day, I was enjoying it. Then came the next day and I said, Ill practice tomorrow The next day I said the same thing, and the next day, and the next day! I get so stressed out because I know that I should practice and I want to practice, but it just doesnt happen. Im afraid to tell my dad because the first time I was playing he said, I hope this isnt something youre just gonna throw away because you got bored, you have to be committed, and I said, Okay. Im afraid he'll be disappointed with me. Its my fault too, because I spend most of my day playing games on the computer watching TV, or playing video games with my friends. I just dont know what to do because Im never ever committed to anything. Please, Im in desperate need of advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• In books and movies, I have a weird tendency to like the villain better than the hero. Is this unusual? Also, does that make ME a villain?

• Today my dog died. He's been with me my whole life and I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to get over it. He was a black Lab and never hurt a fly. He was in pain and died this morning at 5:30 a.m. He was 100 years old in people years but IML, I don't know how to get over it! Can you help me?

• It seems like anything I do is never enough. I get straight A's except one B all year, so I don't get honor roll. I get an awesome time when running track, but so did 6 other people, so I don't get recognized for it. I've worked hard all year with my friends in every honors class, but I'm still average. I work as hard as possible, and the teacher can see it so she grades harder and I still don't get a 100. I know there's always going to be someone better and my accomplishments won't matter. This may sound dumb, but it's how I feel when award ceremonies come around and I don't get anything from anything I do.

• Im a triplet, but Ive just been downsized to a twin. My sister died a month ago, and its been really hard on me and my twin brother. We try to talk a lot, but its really hard, because we feel so guilty. It should have been one of us that died because my sister was the strongest triplet. I hate myself for not being the one who died, because she died of a heart complication that I might have too. I dont want to hang with friends or even have fun at all because I feel so guilty.

• OK, I am a girl and all, but I am a total...well, I guess a tomboy. I read the same comics that every boy at school does. I have the tomboyish clothes, too. I dont try being like this, it just comes naturally. But I find myself hiding that fact, and I don't even know why! Like at school, I talk 'girlier' than my real voice, dress preppier, talk about more girly stuff, and hang out more with girls when I have many male friends! WHY?

• I am 11 and for almost a year I am scared to spend the night away from home. At first, I wouldn't even leave the house without my mom, then I got a little better. I would go with my brothers and sisters and then finally after a while, I would go places without my mom. But I am still scared to stay the night at a friend's house. I get worried that I'm gonna miss my mom or my home. A lot of times I think, 'Okay, I'm gonna stay now,' but I never do. Please help me!!! Will I ever get over it? Can you give me step-by-step tips on how I can improve it? Please help.

• Ever since we got robbed I never want to stay home alone, but now I have to do it a lot! I'm still a little scared about freaky noises! When my brothers see that, they think theres something wrong so they get scared too. Ive mostly gotten over my fear, but sometimes my brothers say to my Mom that they hate staying alone with me, and that makes me look like a bad babysitter. What do I do?

• I hate growing up! It is so difficult. Having all of these social problems, changing...ugh! I have also been having serious stress. I ache and I am tired. Maybe from schoolwork and friends, I dont know. What is the best way to deal with growing up? How can you make it easier?

• I'm so annoyed at school and at home because of my 'perfect at everything' best friend. She's the smartest kid in the grade, good at sports, can play the violin, flute and piano really well, and very creative at everything. But when she gets a 94% quiz back, she says she did a horrible job at it and that I probably got better than her when she knows I didn't. I feel like I have no friends and what makes it worse is that my little sister is sooooo popular, even though she's only in 5th grade, got asked out 8 times, is perfect, and makes fun of me. I am soooo depressed and feel like an ugly, stupid, not-good-at-anything kind of person with no friends.

• "I'm feeling really stupid these days. I've been trying really hard in school, but I'm not doing well. My parents are disappointed in me and I don't want them to think I'm dumb. My sister is really smart and that makes it even worse. I don't know what to do to feel better."

• "Lately, Ive been sad a lot...Im just having a lot of pain and sometimes, I have thoughts about hurting myself in some way."

Dear IML,
My grandma just recently died, and I didn't notice how much I missed her until she passed away. I want to do something that will make her be remembered by everybody, but I don't know what to do. Have you got any advice?
--Lauren, 12

Dear Lauren,
First of all I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. A few years ago my grandmother also died. I was not very close to her because she was sick for most of my life, so I never spent much time with her in her healthy years. I too never fully realized how much I missed her until after her death and thought it was too late to do anything about it. But it's not too late! You can still honor her memory and celebrate her life. For example, my cousin made a collage of pictures of times our family spent with her and all of the memories we shared. You could also have a little gathering in your grandmother's honor and have everyone tell stories and experiences you shared with her. You could also make a video montage of her and show it on the anniversary of her death. The way a person is preserved is through the sharing of memories. The key thing is just to talk and tell others of what you know about her. I hope my advice helps you!
--Joy, IML Mentor

Hello Lauren,
When I was ten years old my grandpa passed away. I didn't know him very well, he only spoke Spanish and lived far away. My Dad, however, was very close to my grandpa. As a tribute to his Dad, he made a biography DVD with the computer. My dad began the video with when my grandpa was a baby, with background music from my grandpa's favorites. Then he showed when my grandpa made his first Holy Communion, and when he was a teenager working on the farm in Mexico. Next came his wedding day to my grandma and pictures of the kids when they were young. Then, he showed a video clip of the first grandchild's baby shower. The video ends on a happy note, with a family portrait of all of us at my Aunt's wedding. It was a DVD that reminded us of all the good times. You could create something like this on the computer, or put together a scrapbook dedicated to your grandmother. I remember reading about a young girl who asked family to write letters to her deceased grandpa and kept a journal of the letters. Be creative!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Dear Lauren,
I think that it is very kind and sincere of you to want everyone in your family to remember your grandma and am sorry about the loss. It shows a lot about how much you miss your grandma to have the courage to want to have your family remember her in a special way. I think the best thing to do after a loss is to wait a little while, like a couple of weeks, to let the loss sink in and to just remember the good times you had with that person. When remembering a loss, it also helps to talk to someone you love about the person who passed away. Don't keep all the emotions inside, but talk to your parents about how you are feeling. Talk about the fun times you shared with your grandma to bring some laughter into the sad conversation and it will make it easier to talk about.
--Joel, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
My room is always a pig sty! What can I do to keep my room clean and have fun at the same time?
--Megan, 10

Hey Megan!
Cleaning my room has always been a huge problem for me. Stuff piles up on my desk, on my bed, on the floor...you get the picture. I've found that the best way to reduce the mess is to tackle certain areas at a time. Go through your closet and separate things into "keep," "give away," and "throw away" piles. (You can continue this throughout your entire room. You'd be surprised to see how much stuff you have that you don't need or use.) Then go through your desk, your drawers, and under your bed. Try to set aside one entire afternoon so you can just get it all done with, but if you need to, it also works to do a different part of your room every day. Put on some fun music while you're cleaning, and unplug your phone if you have one. Once you have your first "big clean" finished, it's on to the toughest part: keeping it that way. Make a rule for yourself that after you take something out of its place, you will put it back before you can touch anything else. It takes a lot of self-discipline to do this, but you'll be thankful when you aren't searching all over for something later. Organization and cleanliness are skills you will need in the future, so it's really great that you're interested in developing them now. Good luck!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Megan,
I can absolutely relate to a messy room. I usually let it build up over the week, and do a major cleaning on the weekend. My dad has always said that it would be easier for me to keep it clean rather than spend a day cleaning it. So, I made a goal a few weeks ago to make my bed after I wake up. I did okay with my goal for about a week, but I fell into my old dirty habits soon after...but I won't give up! Maybe you could try setting simple goals for yourself, like making your bed first thing in the morning, or putting your clothes away as soon as mom folds them. I think little goals are steps in the right direction and as time moves on the little goals will add up to the ultimate goal: Clean Room. To make it fun, try making it a competition. You can time yourself, race one of your sibs, or bet your parents if you can accomplish your mini goals. And you can always blast your fave music. Hope this helps!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Dear Megan,
I always, always, always have my favorite music on when I'm cleaning, it helps me so much. I also like to clean whenever I'm upset about something, so when I need to vent my room gets clean. It's really relaxing, believe it or not! The first thing you need to do is evaluate your room. Are there things you wish you could change? Maybe stuff that you don't need or use that's just taking up space? You can pack that stuff up to keep or donate it to charity. The thing is, you need an organization system, a place for everything and a time devoted to just straightening up. I always clean my room before I do my homework so that it's easier for me to concentrate. Just find a system that works for you, though. You can also make things to help organize; for instance, I just saw this magnetic paint at the store, and so I painted the door of my closet and now all those papers and pictures that would be on my desk are on my wall. Think about what keeps your room from staying clean, and then change it. Good luck, and no worries, it takes everyone a while to figure out...haha!
--Stormie, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
My dad and I both want me to play guitar. I was really excited to start playing it and the first day, I was enjoying it. Then came the next day and I said, Ill practice tomorrow The next day I said the same thing, and the next day, and the next day! I get so stressed out because I know that I should practice and I want to practice, but it just doesnt happen. Im afraid to tell my dad because the first time I was playing he said, "I hope this isnt something youre just gonna throw away because you got bored, you have to be committed," and I said, "Okay." Im afraid he'll be disappointed with me. Its my fault too, because I spend most of my day playing games on the computer watching TV, or playing video games with my friends. I just dont know what to do because Im never ever committed to anything. Please, Im in desperate need of advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Kyle, 12

Hey Kyle!
That's great that you want learn an instrument. I play piano and guitar and also have a hard time motivating myself to practice. One thing I've realized is that I'm not going to get better by just wanting to learn how to play; I actually have to practice. You could try to set small goals and gradually build up: don't try and practice an hour daily right away. Start at 15 minutes and go up 5 minutes each week. Use a calendar to mark off the days you've practiced and you'll eventually see (and hear!) the time you've put in. You also may want to consider taking guitar lessons; your teacher will be able to hold you accountable and you'll learn some things you wouldn't have found out on your own. Good luck and remember that an instrument will pay off a lot more than watching TV and playing video games.
--Lauren, IML Mentor

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